Just roll with it5/3/2023 ![]() “You don’t have to put pressure on yourself to fill silence with speech.” “I always tell my clients: ‘You’re not the court jester you don’t have to hold court,’” Comrie said. So if you, like me, are in a self-imposed rut, how do you get out of it?Ĭomrie said learn not to judge yourself, and to remind yourself that you’re out of practice and it’s not your responsibility to keep everyone entertained all the time. “And part of it is recognizing many people aren’t doing a particularly good job at being social right now,” Comrie said. “Part of it is you’re really in your head about how uncomfortable you feel and thinking you’re not doing a good job being social,” said registered psychotherapist Janna Comrie of Comrie Counselling in Whitby. “After two years of solitude in your pyjamas watching Netflix, how can you be expected to jump back into social life without any form of anxiety?” he added. “You should see the next little while as a process of reintegration and you definitely won’t be doing yourself a disservice by limiting your social plans. ![]() He suggests being more kind to myself and not being overly critical. “Doing so is tough and under normal circumstances it can be difficult, but the additional impact of two years of social isolation and being out of practice makes any attempt to be sociable an anxiety-provoking event,” Desmarais said. ![]() He said socializing requires a performance as well as the ability to listen and be present. Even if you used to be highly skilled as a musician or cyclist, if you haven’t done it in a couple years, you’ll be pretty rusty,” Desmarais said. “It’s a bit like playing a musical instrument or riding a bike. Which, hello! That’s their job and they were happy to help.ĭesmarais assures me I’m not alone in this feeling of chaos. Then, when out with my girlfriend, I felt weird making small talk with the server, and we both felt like we were imposing on the server when asking about the wine list or making little requests. My hair appointment lasted over four hours, a result of not going for months, and having to sit and wait for the colour to process, and I spent most of the time trying to fill the silences with my colourist, firstly by talking about how awkward it felt to be out of the house, then by oversharing details about my personal life. I felt confident about my plans knowing I was visiting two familiar places.Īnd yet this excursion ended up draining me. I decided to make a day of it and booked a much-needed hair appointment (#selfcare) followed by plans with a girlfriend for drinks at the Writers Room at the Park Hyatt, a preferred haunt. “It’s just that the last two years of the pandemic have created circumstances we haven’t experienced in our lifetime.” He said that although we don’t think about it in this way, socializing is a skill and, as is the case for all skills, it takes practice.Īs things have gradually reopened - after much debate of whether or not I was ready or willing to leave my cave - I figured it would be healthy for me to push myself outside my comfort zone. “What you, and most people, are experiencing is not unusual,” said Serge Desmarais, professor emeritus in the department of psychology at the University of Guelph. It seems we’re all a little rough around the edges these days. on a weekday.Įither you’re cringing while reading this or you can relate. During that same call, I mentioned (for some unknown and totally unrelated reason) I wasn’t wearing a bra and was in pyjamas. I had one woman say “I love you” at the end of a professional work call, which wouldn’t be as jarring if she was someone I had a relationship or history with, but I think she just accidentally said it because that’s how she likely ends most of her daily calls with close friends and loved ones. Conversations on the phone for work seem off and strained. My most used emojis are the woozy face, the heart on fire and the roller-coaster, a perfect descriptor of how I feel. It’s starting to seep into my day-to-day life, making me question whether my new-found hermit lifestyle is verging on unhealthy territory. Which is both a blessing and a curse, because I feel sort of unhinged and chaotic without in-person socialization. The idea of having to put myself together and be on is draining, so I stay put, proud of how adult I’ve become during this pandemic, realizing that despite identifying as an extrovert my whole life, I’m in fact an introvert. I’ve been happily declining plans the past couple of months, content in my own company. When I’m in my space, I feel like there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. My room has become a sanctuary, a cosy cave that I hibernate in. For the better part of the winter, I’ve been keeping mostly to myself.
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